I wish I could teleport
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
