If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
