hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
