the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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