When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
