im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
