my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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