i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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