Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
