I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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