oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
