And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
