the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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