my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
