I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
