thus making me awesome and them whores
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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