Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
