I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
