your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
