Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
