bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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