Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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