why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
