I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
