Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
