we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
