Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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