i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
