well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
