i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
