This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
