He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
