I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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