There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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