Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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