Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
