It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
