is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
