Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
