I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
