Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
this is an emotional support booty call
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
