and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
