Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
