People in love make me want to vomit
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
