The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
that may or may not have been my penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
