So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
