one might say we're banned from that church
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
