his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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