why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
