Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
