living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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