Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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